So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
