dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
