I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
