I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
