I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
how drunk are you?
Several
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
