dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
