if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
