im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
