So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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