I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
