Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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