I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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