Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
