She's JV to your varsity
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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