White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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