its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
