Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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