I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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