I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Green mimosas i think yes
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
