p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
