Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
