some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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