I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
