if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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