I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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