Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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