Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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