i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
