I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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