think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
