And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
