a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
