You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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