Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
