Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
