There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
