youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
