I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
