fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
