Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
