The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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