Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Someone shattered a urinal.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
