I CAN MOONWALK!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
