What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
