I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
