I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
