I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
