HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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