My room smells like vodka and shame
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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