That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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