i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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