He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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