When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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