I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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